Hello Men, I Am A Product in a Commercial
By purchasing me, whether I am beer, body spray, technology, food, candy bars, or anything else, I will automatically improve your life because I will give you the two things that you want most: Confirmation of your masculinity and women.
Firstly, I will make you feel like a man because only cis men buy these products. And as a man, you love masculinity and you will do anything to assert your masculinity when you feel it is threatened. I will not acknowledge that you have emotions or meaningful relationships, and I will shame you for engaging in any behavior that is not seen as 100% masculine, because you care about nothing else. It is clear that all of your problems stem from nagging, pissy, and emasculating women, and by buying me, you are really sticking it to those women and reasserting how you, as a man, must be in charge of your manly destiny.
By purchasing me, your life will also undoubtedly improve because it will literally provide you with hordes of skinny, heterosexual, white women who all fit conventional beauty standards, often wearing very little clothing and want you. These women, unlike the nagging ones, don’t care what you do to them, as they throw themselves to your feet. After all, you are automatically entitled to women and always feel the urge to objectify them, mistreat them, and even deceive them as you are being objectifying. You are automatically heterosexual and want to confirm it to yourself and others, therefore I will continue to say that in order to achieve the ultimate prize, women, you need my help.
As you can see, my logic is undeniable, as I am clearly able to get down to the core of who you are as a man and what you want as a man. Therefore, buy me. Because I don’t expect anything more from you.